Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
