being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize