Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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