So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
