I'm so fucking centered right now
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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