I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
