i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
