so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
