We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
