Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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