No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
