I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
