my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
