i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
