I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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