I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
