Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
