It's like a parade of train wrecks.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
