tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
