If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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