I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
