I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
