Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
