8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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