I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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