I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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