I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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