a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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