I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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