based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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