I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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