why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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