the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
