3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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