Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
