I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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