Already got asked if we're dating
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
