i was born a porn star she said
now i know why i became what i already was.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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