So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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