I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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