Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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