I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
