remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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