You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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