I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
