I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
