He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
