let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You were trust falling into bushes
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
