Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he shaved USA in his pubs
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
