the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
