I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
