I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
