we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The struggles of a small town man whore
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
