i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
