Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
