I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
