oh god the rape fog is back!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
