My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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