I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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