I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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