Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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