Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
