flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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