so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
