you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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