never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
