Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
