Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
