Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
