operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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