sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
