Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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